A Daughter's Journey: Picking Up My Mom's Ashes and Honoring Her Memory

Have you ever wondered how to navigate one of life’s most challenging moments with grace and love? Today, I’m sharing my deeply personal journey of loss, remembrance, and honoring my beloved mom. This story is close to my heart, and I hope it offers insights into coping with grief and inspires you to cherish your loved ones a little more. Let’s dive in.

Introduction

It’s not every day that someone shares such an intimate moment as picking up a parent’s ashes. Yet here I am, about to take you along on my poignant journey to the post office to collect my mother’s remains. This isn’t just an errand; it’s a profound act of love and a step in my grieving process. Let me walk you through this emotional day.

Preparing for the Day

It’s around noon, and I’m getting ready for what can only be described as an unconventional “date” with my mom. My choice of outfit is far from random – I opt for a black satin dress, a nod to the solemnity of the occasion. There’s a bittersweet note as I realize:

“My mom’s not getting a funeral, I’m going to take her to probably get a donut.”

This simple thought speaks volumes about my personal way of grieving and honoring my mom. It’s a reminder that there’s no “right” way to mourn, and sometimes, the most meaningful tributes are the ones that connect us to everyday moments we shared with those we’ve lost.

The Influence of My Mother

As I prepare, I can’t help but reflect on my mom’s influence, particularly in shaping my interest in makeup and beauty:

“I got into makeup because of my mom because when I was little there was a few times that she worked and when she worked she worked at the makeup counter and I think a few times she also tried to sell like Mary Kay and Avon.”

This childhood exposure to beauty products sparked a lifelong interest for me:

“I liked to paint on my face. I wouldn’t really call it doing my makeup at that age but I would always get yelled at because I would have like lipstick on my cheeks and I would be in her eyeshadow and I would be putting on her perfume and stuff like that.”

These early experiences planted the seeds for my future career in modeling. While my grandmother played a crucial role in helping me enter the industry, it was my mother’s world of magazines, sewing, and makeup that provided the initial exposure and inspiration.

This reflection highlights how parents can unknowingly shape their children’s interests and future paths. It’s a beautiful reminder of the lasting impact my mom had on me, even through seemingly mundane aspects of her life.

The Pickup Experience

My journey to collect my mother’s ashes proves to be more challenging than I anticipated. I candidly share my anxiety about the public nature of this deeply personal errand:

“Doing this in public is extremely anxiety-riddling. It makes me feel like super anxious because what I didn’t know is that they were going to put the cremated remains all over the box.”

The unexpected labeling on the box adds an extra layer of complexity to an already emotional situation. It’s a stark reminder of how even the most practical aspects of dealing with a loved one’s death can be fraught with unexpected challenges.

“The box is a little too heavy to fit in my bag, so I’m walking around with this with the box looking like this and it’s on all corners because I guess that’s the way they do it.”

This moment underscores the often overlooked practical challenges that come with grief. It’s a reminder that amidst my emotional turmoil, there are also logistical hurdles to navigate.

A Date with Mom

Despite the challenges, I remain committed to my plan of having a “date” with my mom. I choose a donut shop, ordering a chocolate espresso paleo-friendly donut- a choice that sparks memories of my mother’s love for chocolate.

“Growing up in New York we would always have a bakery that we used to go to and get like all these like cupcakes and seven layer chocolate cakes and stuff like that.”

This simple act of enjoying a chocolate drink becomes a touching tribute, connecting my past and present. I recall how, after moving to Virginia, my family would make special trips back to New York:

“We used to drive to New York back to New York and pick up a bunch of these pastries and freeze them. We’d buy like half a dozen seven layer chocolate cakes and then freeze them.”

These memories, centered around food and family traditions, offer me a bittersweet comfort. They’re a testament to the power of sensory experiences in keeping our connections to loved ones alive, even after they’re gone.

Coping with Grief and Death

Throughout this experience, I find myself reflecting on society’s discomfort with death:

“I don’t see why anyone should particularly feel uncomfortable with death. I mean we all know we’re going to die, you know.”

This matter-of-fact approach to mortality is something I’m grappling with. It challenges me to consider my own attitudes towards death and how they might impact my grieving process.

My decision to share this deeply personal experience publicly also speaks to my desire to normalize conversations around death and loss. By being open about my journey, I hope I’m potentially helping others feel less alone in their grief.

Conclusion

As my “date” with mom comes to an end, I look ahead:

“I’m going to go home. I’m going to open this in a couple days. I’ll buy her an urn or something like that and we’ll see how it goes.”

These simple statements encapsulate the ongoing nature of my grief. It’s not a process with a clear endpoint, but rather a series of steps, some planned and others unexpected.

My journey – from picking up my mother’s ashes to honoring her memory with a chocolate drink – is a powerful reminder of the many forms grief can take. It challenges me to find personal, meaningful ways to remember my mom and to approach death with openness and honesty.

As I reflect on this experience, I’m reminded of the enduring bond between my mother and me, the power of memories, and the importance of finding my own path through grief. It encourages me to cherish our relationship, create lasting memories, and approach this loss with courage and love.

In sharing my experience, I hope I’ve offered you all a glimpse into the complex, painful, yet ultimately loving process of saying goodbye to a parent. May my story inspire you to approach your own losses with similar grace, creativity, and openness.